yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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