In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
