i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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