nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
