I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
