Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
