my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
