Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
