and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
