You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
