i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
