my phone needs a breathalizer
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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