Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
