i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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