Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
