I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
