Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize