I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
