think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
