It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
