i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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