you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
