What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
