He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
