i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
