I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
