the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
