Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
