I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
