Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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