her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
