i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
