Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
