I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
