absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
