Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
