Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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