I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Randomize
