I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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