I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
