There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
