Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize