Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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