On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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