If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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