here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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