I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize