dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
