oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
