OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
