you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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