its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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