Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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