Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
