i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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