goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
