I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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