I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
