how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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