doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
