im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
