she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
