so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
