despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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