Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
