Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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