Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
