i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize